This letter is for anyone. Anyone who may care. Anyone who just happens to pick it up off the dirty street. I need help. I need to get out of this, I’m scared and alone. I can’t do it by myself.
For years now I have been crying in the shadows, with no one there besides me. I don't even know what I cry about anymore, I just cry. The tears, they come willingly, but they do not take the sorrow I have when they finally leave. All I get when the tears have dried is a piercing grief of always being alone.
I think it all started when I was young, but old enough to hurt. I shoved and pulled. No one gave a damn about me! I was always the one who got left. The one to fend for herself. The one who they laughed at when I came crawling back. They said I was worthless! That I should just disappear! Maybe I should! Everything would be better then wouldn’t it? What am I saying? You don't know what I have been through, a complete stranger.
For a time I didn’t believe them. I was worth something. Someone out there would think I was worth the time and effort to fix. A broken shell ready to be mended. They would fix me, but they would not be able to fix the cracks it would leave behind. No, they would always be there. On show, for the world to see. But that someone could just pick up their stuff and leave. They wouldn’t have to suffer the pain I have had to throughout my agonising life. No, they could forget their troubles and live life without a care in the world.
But I have lived for too long with this life. I wish I could start again. Yes, that would be perfect. Maybe trade lives with one of those who shunned me. Maybe they would treat me differently if they knew what they had put me through. But... but all that is in my head and will never happen. I couldn't trade a life for a life.
I am not as strong as you may think, my dear stranger. I am but an egg ready to smash. If I fall the next time I am hurt, will I be able to get up again? Maybe, maybe not. I have been hurt too many times. The bruises do not show to your eyes, but I see them every day. That is all I see now, how I have been hurt. Emotionally, I am just a hollow creature with nothing inside. Physically, I am just a piece of used furniture that can be thrown away when I have no use.
What would you do in my place? Run away, perhaps? No, I have tried that. It never works. The torment always follows. It’s like shadow, always there and more visible when it is light outside. That’s when people see the sadness I have gone through. Too much sadness! I deserve a happy life! But I have not been granted the pleasure of one.
That’s really all I ever wanted. To be loved. Or just have one person talk to me instead of pushing me aside in the corner, never to be seen. A new set of clothes would be nice too. These are just rags that hang off my body now. Torn into tatters. It gets worse after each person I meet. They don't care, not at all. Once I’ve been used they just leave me. Or pass me along.
You may be wondering who I am, stranger. Yes, I can tell you are curious. Curious to know whether I am here still or whether I have passed into a new peaceful life. No I have not passed, that would be a blessing for me. No, I am still here, I will always be here. Living in your bedroom. Or maybe the little girls next door, or maybe even your daughters room.
All I ask is that you play with me once in a while. Be it thirty seconds or a whole day. Or just the once. That would make me happy, it may put some colour in my unanimated face. Just once, that is all I ask.
Give me to an unprivileged child if that would make you happy. Give me to someone who have never seen one of my kind before. Just seeing the fact that I have made a child smile for the first time in years would make me happy.
A smile. Yes, a smile is the most precious thing in the world. Always treasure it, as you never know when you may see another one. There may be one waiting for you around the next corner or maybe in a few years. But make sure you are not like me, who hasn’t seen a smile for years.
Please give me the chance to make someone smile again. That is all I ask.
Thank you kind stranger,
The forgotten doll under your stairs.